30.9.07
29.9.07
Oprah, Dr. Phil divorce & marriage
In one of my previous posts I wrote about my generation and, as promised, I’ll try and tackle marriage.Marriage has a great bearing on the Joy in living, and this subject is a natural follow-up to what I have written before.
Some time ago Oprah Winfrey brought forth the ‘divorce epidemic’ that engulfs USA and the need to do something about it; and Dr. Phil in his show, is trying to solve problems of dysfunctional families; many of which leave me aghast.
These shows brought those problems closer to me, and since then, they do not leave me.
I thought I should contribute something from my experience in the form of writing, but didn’t know what approach to take; how to deal with this very sensitive subject, which is prevalent not only in the USA, but all over the western world to a smaller or greater extent.
Being married for 54 years with a husband that still woos me, I have little to say about divorce. What I can do though is look for, and impart, that which I think made our marriage work:
My husband and I did not have a trial period before marriage, we were never engaged, and got married 4 months after we started going together.
Now at the age of 76, I have long pasted my ‘being beautiful’ days. I’ve gained some 15 kilos I can do without, I do not use makeup nor go to a hairdresser and I am no dresser; and he still woos me. Why?
Why do we still love each other as well as like each other?
Why are our friends still married adoring each other?
What are the fundamentals that keep us together?
Or, what are the roots that broke others?
Many studies have been done; statistics analyzed, and clever people, with a string of degrees next to their names, and not necessarily with experience, have, and are, giving their opinions and advise. So who am I, and what gives me the right to voice mine?
I have been mulling it over and over again, till I came to the conclusion that my years of experience give me that right. So here I am, taking the plunge:
At the age of 22, when we made our decision to marry, my husband said,
‘If you want this to work, we need to put everything on the table. We need to discuss whatever may bug us, and sort it out before it festers.’
I never thought about it, but I was prepared to give it a go. So we did it, and our children do it as well, and it seems to work. But why should one do that? Why is it so important?
It is important because we are all different. We come from different homes, different upbringings, environments and understandings. And even when these are similar, they are still different. Therefore, we need iron out the differences or misinterpretation that arise naturally when a couple is building a new family unit. We need to fine-tune the marriage right from the start.
This, I think, is easily achieved when a couple is not only in love with one another, but also like each other, and has, shows and exercises respect to each other; for love is one thing, like – another, and respect – the fundamental of both. Without respect, nothing works.
However, this is only the basis, the foundation on which a marriage should be build.
Now comes the question: why do people want to get married?
Let assume they have all the above, but do they really want to live together? Do they have what it takes? Do they have some common interests, or are they willing to learn and adopt each other’s interests?
Are they prepared to work together for the good of their new unit, or do they have the,
‘I married you, so make me happy’ syndrome?
In one word – are they friends? Without friendship or the readiness to develop one, a marriage is doomed.
My husband and I have different interests, but we got interested, right from the start, in what the other is immersed in, likes or does. This, when all is said and done, enriched, and enriches not only the marriage, but also each of us as individuals.
We also strove to work together, and did so successfully for many years. This in itself brought us closer together, and did not let us drift apart. However, to achieve this, we needed to clearly divide the responsibilities, and put definite demarcation line none of us dared cross.
And then there are the questions of money, of children of household and work, and others. These I will try and tackle in one of my next posts.
Renate Artist, poet & the Author ofFrom the Promised Land to the Lucky Country
‘From the Promised Land to The Lucky Country’ – Renate’s book a true life story and poetry24.9.07
19.9.07
The computer swallowed Grandma
Yes, honestly its true!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely;
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'
So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me.
We do not stop playing because we grow old;
We grow old because we stop playing.
NEVER Be The First To Get Old!
Artist, poet & the Author of
From the Promised Land to the Lucky Country
http://www.promisedland-renate.com/
10.9.07
My generation
I am a member in ‘Stumble-upon’ (a program like ‘My Space’).In it a lady wrote that
” Few people who reach her age (meaning me) have such great spirit & wisdom”
This is flattering, but at the same time, rather unhealthy; It may make my head swell and I may become bigger than my boots. However, what she wrote made me think and analyse:
people my age have accumulated a lot of experience and a lot of wisdom.This is how nature meant it to be. So why is this not the norm? I pondered.
Then I realized, and leaving out all other contributing factures, that even though today’s society has freed us from restrictive ‘excepted behaviour’ on the one hand, it has, on the other hand, thrown us out of the normal cycle of life.
Forced retirement, the disappearance of the traditional 3 level generation family, and the elevation of the young onto a high pedestal they did not earn, made most of us redundant and superfluous; thus bringing debilitating situation to many of my generation
This forced retirement and all that came in its wake has, of course, cost society all that accumulated experience and wisdom to the detriment of all.
Even though many of my generation are in that sad situation, others have taken that new freedom and emersed themselves into activities they otherwise would not have had the opportunity to delve into; and that, in all fields of endeavour: in charity, in public services, in the arts, or in adventures. As for example, an acquaintance of ours who, some years ago and over 80 at the time, still climbed regularly up the tall mast of his very large boat to carry out its maintenance. Not only that, but once his broken leg mended, after falling off that mast at that age, he continued skiing and, continued living on board as nothing has happened.A couple of years or so later, he sold his boat, and – began writing his 4th book!
Why have some ended one way and others the other? I asked myself.
Why are we where we are today? I asked my husband, and he relied,
‘It’s because we are active’.
His reply was not what I was looking for. I was looking for a primary reason. For the motiving force, or the lack of it. But for him, the conversation added. He gave me his answer.
Now it was up to me to sort it out all on my own.
I think, that what happens to one, comes first and foremost from the core of that individual and from its very personal circumstances and surrounds, so where am I?What is the core that brought me to where I am?
My first conclusion was that life is for living. What I mean to say is that while one is alive, one must live life to the fullest.One must experience everything, or nearly everything; and one must live a long and fruitful life to achieve this. As for me, I think that another 50 to 60 years will be sufficient for all I have set up to do, achieve, experience and… and… and…
And of course there are always new things coming up, which I cannot time, but which I cannot let pass me by either, like for example – SU…
So what is my core being, what makes me what and who I am and what I think?
The conclusion I came to is that I have kept my child like curiosity. That I think - is the REAL key! This is the core of my being and of those like me.
Some may say,
It’s all good and fine for you; you have a child like curiosity, you are well, you are healthy. You had an easy life, you had a privileged one; not everyone is like you…and so on.
So let me put those ones at rest.I did not have an easy life; neither a privileged one, as those of you who read my book, will attest. What I did have, and still do, is the joy in life – the delight in living, and wonder and satisfaction it brings, with all its variations:The good, the difficult and bad - or maybe not the bad:
The good because it’s good;
The difficult for it’s a challenge;
And the bad – for the experience it brings and the opportunity it presents to learn, grow and develop.
Okay, but how do you keep body and mind active to satisfy that curiosity?
I think one achieves this by the attitude one has towards life at large. For example, if I would indulge drinking the wrong drinks, eating the wrong foods, and look at life as a drag – I have no chance of getting anywhere.If I love medicines and do not read the labels in the supermarkets to avoid at least some of the poisons the food industry dishes out for us to eat – I have no hope either.If I give myself a short span of life, and repeatedly say that I will not live longer than a certain age, I will not make it past that date or somewhere around it. Why? Because I will set the way I live in such a way, that it will come to conclusion at around the time I wished it to end.
Renate
Artist, poet & the Author of
From the Promised Land to the Lucky Country
http://www.promisedland-renate.com/
As a follow-up I’d like to try and tackle, in one of my next posts, the question of marriage and divorce, which has an important bearing on the joy of life. A subject Oprah spoke about with passion a few months back.
6.9.07
Sand Daffodil or Sand Lily – חבצלת החוף
I thought you'd like to see this most magnificent plant, which is a native of the Mediterranean. We found it everywhere on that promenade you saw in my posting about the crows.
Enjoy,
Renate
Artist, poet & the Author of
From the Promised Land to the Lucky Country http://www.promisedland-renate.com/
3.9.07
Computer Blues
It’s a couple of months now that I have endless problems with my computer. It crashes several times daily and gives me a blue screen with a lot written on it. The only thing I can decipher is, that it is unhappy with some new hardware I have.The only new hardware I have is a router. So we change routers, but it’s not any better.
It’s very hot and humidity is at a constant 65% and over. We think, the computer does not like this.We put the air conditioner on, and a fan to boot, close the doors and windows, and it seems to work. It’s the only room we air conditioned, and its freezing in here, even though it is set at 26 degrees C. Each time I come into the room, I wonder if I’ll end catching a cold. My dear husband caught one already.
Well, I can persevere with that, but my Internet connection is extremely slow.At times, it does not react at all. I find it very frustrating. We change routers again but it’s not any better.
We return the router, get our money back and buy one from a recommended shop and - The best on the market – that’s what we are told..It does not work either.
We find we need a modem between the computer and the router.We go to our Internet provider and he gives us one.We take the one given, but pay no attention that the package isn’t sealed; how careless of us.We set it up but nothing has changed.
The weekend arrives, and I think it’s a good time to get good personal technical support. I phone at 7am and am through immediately. For about 4 hours we go over every detail the technicians can only think off, and we get always the same reply – error 678. Conclusion,
‘ We’ll send a technician to see if the modem is faulty. But it will be only tomorrow.There are no technicians on weekends.
The next day has come, and so has the technician; a lovely, good looking young man, with long black curly hair and a bright smile, ready to serve.What more can I wish for…
He starts going through the same process I spent 4 hour over yesterday.
I say,
‘We did it all yesterday.’
He says,
‘Did you?’
I say,
‘Yes’
He says,
‘Just to be sure, I’ll go over some of it again’.
He does, and lo and behold, he comes to the same conclusion.He changes the modem, this time without the router, and here I am:
Technology
I am as guilty as you are
For loving all that’s new
All that comes my way
From here to Timbuktu
I am a modern woman
I shop for all there is
Technology - my right
Advancement is my thing
Yet, I have a problem
One I can’t control
It’s not just mine –
It belongs to us all
Why can’t we leave
Nature alone
Why don’t we stop
Probing around
Why do we prod
The skies and the seas
Why do we split the atoms
As well as the genes
If we develop
What we naturally have
We could astro-travel
And need not pay
Numbers we could add
In a second or two
Without the crutch
Of a CPU.
So why don’t we expand
Our sixth or seventh sense
And bring some logic
To our beloved land
©Renate 21.4.2006 renate555@gmail.com
Renate
Artist, poet & the Author of
From the Promised Land to the Lucky Country
Bicurim feast in the kibbutz highschool
promised land - renate
