Marriage –When kids and the Jobs are gone – what then?

Once children have come of age, they need to ‘fly out of the nest’ so to speak. They need to leave their parents’ home and build a life for themselves. This is nature’s way.

There are, however, instances where the parents do not want to let children go. I think that that comes from fear of not being needed or wanted any more. But children have the right to their own lives; mistakes and success. They deserve to experience all facets of life with all the ups and downs it brings.

The question of ‘what shell I do now?’ does come up at times; a vacuum one may not know how to fill.

For us this was never a problem, because we married each other - not the kids. They were the product of our love, not the aim, neither the centre of it.

With them gone, we had a chance of another honeymoon; filled with the experience, knowledge, and may be some wisdom we may have gained, within the years.

Now came the time to solely enjoying one another’s company, grow and develop and experience new things and ventures.

I am a great believer that we should experience and learn all we can while on this earth. I do not think one gets a second chance at that; not in this time and place in any event. So why waste it?

I must confess at this juncture, that the most difficult time one has to endure and adjust to, is the time when a partner, or both, stop work. This is not as hard on women as it is on men.

Women are better in multitasking, because they have to, and can therefore always find something to occupy themselves.

Men, most of who did only, or practically only, one task at a time, are often lost once they retire. Having lost their job, they often lose their station in life, and at times, the friends they made during their working years.

Those men who did not prepare themselves for their ‘golden age’ are in real difficulties, and not knowing what to do with themselves, they nag their spouses to the ends degree.

There are also those who think that even though they have nothing to do, their wives should continue to look after them: cook, clean, launder, serve them and so on. This never works, and is very contentious.

It is the hardest time in a marriage, as far as I am concerned, and can only be solved by discussing and putting down parameters for both to live by.

A couple must acknowledge the uniqueness of each other, allow them the time to pursue their individual goals, and respect their need of their private space.

Renate Artist, poet and the author of From the Promised Land to the Lucky Country To see more of my book click on this link

www.promisedland-renate,com

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